"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on."
"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too."
"I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself."
"I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on."
"So little time, so little to do."
"I knew her before she was a virgin."
"Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath."
"I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients."
"Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate."
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
"Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel."
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left."
"When you give up drinking, you have to deal with that wonderful personality that started you drinking in the first place."
"Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character."
"So little time and so little to do."
"I am no more humble than my talents require."
