"The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives."
"Health food makes me sick."
"Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry."
"If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?"
"Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place."
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
